I have been having a rough time with stuff lately. All of the changes in my life have been weighing heavily on me and I often feel like I’m on the brink of collapse.
Depression? Me? Nahhhh.
I’m always cheerful. I make my partner laugh and smile. I’m a cut up at the fire station. I joke with patients and the ER staff when I bring someone in. I’m always quick to hop to my feet when someone needs a hand or there’s a job to be done.
But when I’m at home, I find myself simply sitting. Unable to move. Not motivated to put away the clean laundry. Or hang the pictures that are leaning against the wall. Sleeping for 12 hours at a time. Justifying my inactivity by claiming I’m tired from the shift the day before.
Forcing myself to tie my sneakers to go for a run is an hour long process.
I wish I didn’t feel this way. I wish my life was really as carefree as I let others believe. I wish I wasn’t so goddamn sad all the time.
Back to work tomorrow. Gotta practice smiling.
“Depression? Me? Nahhhh.”
Deja Vu
It happens. Good thing that you recognize it though, now you just gotta do something about it. Sending hugs your way.
Hang in there! Its a horrible feeling, and worse that many can relate to the way you feel. Your burden is not your own to bare.
I’m sorry you are having such a hard time at the minute mate. You are describing exactly how I was in my own life about 10 yrs back. Mine went on for a little while, but things have a way of finding a route back to where you start to feel better, whether that be through counselling, medication, self help, or a new opportunity in life.
What ever it is for you, I hope it comes along soon.
Thinking of you.
Hey there… Remember me?
I know what this can feel like… Just please know that there are people out there who think about you and want the very best for you.
If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me.
I am a new medic as well working in a large metro area. What you described was very similar to how I feel. I am not “depressed” just find myself unmotivated to better my life outside of work.